The gift

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When you’re in a relationship with someone who is extremely effusive in telling you and everyone they know, how much they love you, adore you and say things such as “I will always be faithful to you because you’re perfect” and say it it with such regularity and seeming sincerity – you believe it is true and that this is the ‘real thing’. Even though you have that knot in your stomach, your instincts are saying that all is not right, but you believe the ‘evidence’ in front of you instead. Intuition comes to you in dreams, an underlying anxiety that was never present before creeps into your every day living, but the person in front you keeps reassuring you oh so effusively and regularly. But this person has pathologically lied to you, cheated on you and emotionally abused you through-out the entire relationship.

When you finally give in to your instincts and confront them – they look you straight in the eye and tell you you’re crazy, that you are “severely damaged” “insecure” and “jealous” – it tears you in two. Especially when they start to smear you to those very same people they were telling that you were the love of their life, saying that YOU are emotionally abusive and a terrible disturbed person. But then in the next breath you go back to being “perfect”.

When you then have evidence of their lies, they apologise, give plausible explanations, tell you they were acting out their own unresolved issues which had nothing to do with you – they need you! They Love you! Now because of you they have changed for the better! This will NEVER happen again! Because you recognise another person in pain (you’ve experienced so much pain yourself) you only want to help them, because you genuinely love them and care for them and you understand the traumas they tell you they’ve been through.

Yet no sooner has it all been ‘mended’ it happens again, more intensely than before and the emotional and verbal abuse becomes worse. Finally, you leave the relationship because you know in your heart it is wrong and you can’t take any more – at first you feel stunned; emotionally, physically and spiritually annihilated – yet somehow feeling a lightness now the heaviness of the relationship has lifted. You feel guilt at having ‘abandoned’ someone in need; you also feel that you have a deficiency in yourself, because surely if you were enough then this person would not have treated you in this way – but this is all the more confusing as one minute they were telling you that you were everything, then the next minute shredding your character and telling you that you were nothing.

Eventually, you realise the deficiency is within them, they failed to recognise your worth as they are trapped within the feelings of their own unworthiness, that they must have been in great pain in order to inflict such pain on you. Although their behaviour was abhorrent, what they have really given you is a gift; a gift to heal and to know yourself better; a gift that shows you where you inner wounds are and that they need healing; a gift that shows you that you need to establish and maintain boundaries; a gift that shows you the kind of behaviour you will not tolerate ever again; a gift that shows you that no amount of love will heal and fix a person who does not wish to heal and fix themselves; a gift that shows you that you MUST LOVE YOURSELF.

This relationship has been an incredible gift to me and has caused me to step into my own power and to pour my love into MYSELF to heal. I have so much more wisdom and insight now, and can use that to help even more people. All I have in my heart now for this experience is appreciation and thanks. Thank you GOD for leading me to this, being with me throughout and now guiding me and the rest of my life afterwards.

Much love –

Jonathan